A Pair of Royal Dorks
by DarkMousyRulezAll
Summary: A series of interconnected oneshots depicting the behind the scenes lives of two of Camelot's biggest dorks: the King and his servant! Continuity skips throughout the seasons, may include friendship feels, humor, romance, hurt/comfort, or sadness! Rated T for the tavern, and language. Ships: Arwen/Gwerthur and Merya/Freylin. Reviews are love!
1. Drunk

_**Because...I needed to! I've been planning this for quite a while. Me and my friend Spiritus Rex often roleplay chat as Arthur and Merlin, respectively, and we really get into character eheh So, this is a fic in which I will be writing up our insane happenings from past and future stuff! :D Because of this, I'll update fairly sporadically while I work on updating more important things ((cough cough -Avenger'd- cough cough)) **_

_**This takes place in the same AUish thing as my oneshot Home ((I woulda added it into this but nah its already its own thing)) and this takes place AFTER the events of that oneshot. And this is also in "season four-ish" due to mention of Agravaine. **_

_**This chapter includes some Protective!Arthur feels and a heck ton of friendship feels! So brace yourselves! :D And enjoy, and pleASE don't forget to review!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, but we do "own" (most) of these words teehee!**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>A Pair of Royal Dorks<strong>_

_**Chapter One: Drunk**_

It was late in the evening, and King Arthur was getting rather tired. He had just finished up some truly boring paperwork and was ready to retire for the night. The only thing was that Merlin was nowhere to be found, irritating the young King of Camelot.

_Where is that idiot?_ Arthur thought, suppressing the urge to pace. As if on cue, his large wooden door creaked open and said manservant practically slid into the room.

"I have returned!" Merlin announced, turning to face Arthur with a wide grin. "I have RISEN!" Arthur smirked, shaking his head.

"That's very nice for you Merlin," Arthur crossed his arms, glancing at the servant, who responded to the retort with unintelligible mumbles. The King gave a slight gesture with his head towards his armor. "Now if you would please, I mean my armor isn't going to polish itself you know." Merlin sniffed and wrinkled his nose up in slight disdain.

"Y'know I think I'll go back to wherever I came from," Merlin replied sluggishly, turning slowly towards the door. The blond narrowed his eyes at his dark-haired servant.

"_Mer_lin, are you drunk?" Arthur inquired pointedly. Merlin froze before reaching the door, not turning back to Arthur.

"What- pfft no," Merlin quickly denied. The King wasn't very convinced.

"Hmm…you better not be," he responded, blue eyes still narrowed in suspicion. The young warlock scoffed, partly turning to Arthur.

"Do I look like Gwaine to you? Now if I was Gwaine, there'd be a very high chance I was drunk," Merlin stated matter-of-factly. "But since I'm not Gwaine, there is a low chance. A very low chance, sire." Arthur chuckled.

"Still a chance though Merlin," Arthur pointed out with a leering grin. Merlin grumbled.

"Well I can't be not drunk 100% of the time," the manservant protested. "Where's the fun in that?"

"So you're admitting you_ are_ then?" Arthur smirked.

"What- right now? Noooo I'm not drunk right now," Merlin refuted, slurring just a bit. "But I've never not been drunk right now- yes." Arthur rolled his eyes.

"You're totally drunk Merlin," the King deadpanned. "Did Gwaine take you out again?"

"You have no proof!" Merlin cried out. "nO pROOF!" Arthur suppressed laughing at his manservant's feeble attempts of denial.

"You know you'll get drunk from a whiff of a barmaid's apron, Merlin," Arthur reminded him, raising his eyebrow. Merlin shrugged lazily.

"Eh yeah that's prolly true," he slurred. Arthur frowned disdainfully.

"Merlin, you can't very well do you job drunk," he remarked, shaking his head. "And I will _not _have you vomit everywhere."

"Does that mean you'll give me the night off then?" the young inebriated warlock asked hopefully. Arthur gave him a firm look.

"I'll give you to Gaius," he decided. "And I'll let him know." The blond made his way over to the door and pushed it open before Merlin scrambled to get in front of him.

"Nnooononooo," he spluttered. "Shh, don't let Gaius know! He'll gimme the eyebrow then talk to me when I'm hungover about very serious things!" Arthur shook his head.

"Merlin, he'll know anyway as soon as you walk in the door," the King pointed out. "It's not like you of all people can hide being drunk." Merlin pouted, crossing his arms indignantly.

"I could try- I hide plenty of other things," Merlin grumbled, before realizing what he said. "Oop-!" But it was too late, for Arthur had already caught onto his servant's words, giving a rather large leering smirk.

"Oh? Like what?" he inquired with a dangerous casualness to his voice. "Please enlighten me, _Mer_lin." The dark-haired young man scrambled for words in his fogged up brain, mouth occasionally gaping not unlike a fish.

"Uh- like…your laundry! Yeah. I really didn't do it today," Merlin settled on smoothly, leaning against the wall. "Gave it to some of the nice laundry ladies." Arthur let out an irritated snort, clenching his fists in attempt to keep from grabbing Merlin's shoulder.

"Oh of course, why am I not surprised? You've been very lazy recently," Arthur said with narrowed eyes. Merlin shrugged again.

"Y'know- I'm startin to think that listenin to Gwaine is not a good thing," he remarked. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Really? What gave you that idea?" he inquired, his voice practically dripping with sarcasm.

"Just a hunch- wait, you agree with me," Merlin stumbled over his words. "Yep." Arthur shook his head, a smirk on his face.

"Well he's your friend Merlin you should know more than anyone," Arthur replied. Merlin blinked slowly.

"Huh- friend. I really- huhhh-" Merlin forced out, wavering in both speech and stance. "Y'know I think I should just go off to sleep now." The young warlock nodded very forcefully and nearly tipped over past Arthur into the hallway, but the blond caught his arm and helped him stand, shaking his head.

"You bloody idiot," he hissed with concern, holding tight onto his servant. Merlin barely looked up at him with slightly foggy blue eyes.

"Ah, so when I get drunk I'm an idiot but when I don't clean my room I'm a friend," Merlin mumbled slowly as Arthur helped him walk. "Tsk tsk sire- double standards do not a good king make."

"Shut up, Merlin," the King huffed. "You should try to breathe normally and concentrate on staying awake. You don't want to pass out before you get to Gaius." Merlin shook his head confusedly.

"Aren't I breathing normally? I thought I was."

"It's slower and more labored Merlin, you can't tell because you're drunk," Arthur replied simply. Merlin nodded slowly.

"Ahh, and I suppose you _can_ tell? Because you're…_not_ drunk?" Merlin squinted, before getting an idea. "Maybe I've been poisoned again! That's it." Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Yes Merlin. It's because I've had to take care of plenty of drunken knights in my time. And you're not poisoned."

"This is the end of the loyal Merlin," the servant prattled. "Dead before even getting a thank you." Arthur sighed heavily, still half-dragging the drunken warlock down the hall. "I wonder if Gwaine got poisoned too. We should check on him."

"He'll be fine," Arthur assured. "I already sent Leon to take care of him."

"That's good," Merlin yawned. "…y'know Arthur, I think I might be a little drunk after all." The King nodded simply.

"Oh really?" he inquired in a tone as if their previous argument over his servant's obvious inebriation had not occurred. Merlin nodded. Arthur did the same. "Right then, I should get you to Gaius. He'll make sure you don't end up too sick. I do need my servant after all." Merlin looked very pale.

"Gaius is gonna kill me for sure this time," he moaned sickly. "For sure." Arthur patted Merlin's shoulder reassuringly.

"Well, I'll remind him that I need you."

"That'll help. Thank you sire." Arthur nodded firmly. Merlin nodded with him- almost tipping again.

"Aah, careful there," Arthur warned, steadying his friend from falling over. "You're clumsy enough normally. If I wasn't here you'd be getting a concussion already."

"That's probably true," Merlin agreed slowly. "Probably."

The two of them went along down the hallway slowly, Arthur leading his servant not too fast. It was quiet for a while before the King of Camelot spoke up again.

"Merlin…I…do appreciate your loyalty," the Once and Future King admitted. "You have been a more loyal friend than anyone. And I thank you for that." Merlin hummed contemplatively.

"You're really thanking me?" he asked. "That's weird- who're you and what've you done with Arthur?" The blond said nothing in reply. "Never get any thanks 'cept from dead people y'know. And Gaius. Maybe Gwen. Huh."

It was silent for another moment.

"I know you don't like my uncle too much Merlin, you disagree with him a lot…but I do appreciate your council as well as his," Arthur spoke honestly, glancing to his dark-haired servant, and friend. "You've stayed by my side through everything and it has meant a lot." Merlin snorted.

"Don't like 'im, that's an understatement," Merlin chortled, before pausing. "…I'll always stay with you though, even if you don't listen to me y'know. Gonna die by your side you big clotpote- plotcole- clotpole! There we go." Arthur nodded, before smirking.

"You know you shouldn't call the King of Camelot a clotpole."

"Ne'er stopped me before."

Arthur shrugged, which Merlin mirrored, causing Arthur to chuckle. The warlock mirrored this action as well.

"But I am not only the King, I am your friend," Arthur reminded, and Merlin only grinned.

"Well, I suppose so."

The two of them continued to walk together, silently, until finally they reached Gaius's chambers. Arthur knocked on the door, and within moments, the elderly physician was there, glancing with a shocked expression from the King to the now-somewhat-unconscious ward of his.

"Take care of him, will you?" Arthur requested with a large childlike expression of worry on his face. "It's Gwaine's doing." With that, Gaius nodded seriously and gently took _(pried)_ Merlin from Arthur's hands.

"Of course, sire," Gaius assured, turning away before Arthur reached out and grabbed Gaius's shirt.

"Go easy on him, will you? When he recovers, I mean. I do need my servant after all," Arthur added, pulling his hand away, and looking a bit sheepish. Gaius smiled knowingly.

"Don't worry Arthur. Merlin will be fine in the morning." Arthur nodded, relieved. Gaius nodded, and turned away.

"Goodnight, Gaius."

"Goodnight."

Arthur paused.

"Goodnight Merlin."

"hhngngnn-" was his response, and the King smiled.

What an idiot.


	2. Raise

**okay- this came out of a conversation discussing the prices of the Renaissance Festival merchandise and it kinda spiraled outta control from there. eehehe  
><strong>

**This I'd guess would take place in early Season Five, just because of certain ways of the two of them acting and because of mention of the Season Four finale. Nothing too too spoilery- just some character mentions and a lil funny mention. If you haven't seen it you won't know what was spoiled ahaha! **

**Anyway, here comes this chapter, and I really should get back on finishing Avenger'd and Albionian Nights! *runs off***

**Disclaimer by Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot!**

**Arthur: ah- this girl owns nothing but the conversation her and her friend had- yes. This is very strange. **

* * *

><p><em><strong>A Pair of Royal Dorks<strong>_

_**Chapter Two: Raise**_

It was an ordinary day in Camelot. Nothing important or interesting was going on or was supposed to go on. Arthur was enjoying the peacefulness and general quiet of the atmosphere. That all changed when Merlin walked in the room with his lunch. The young warlock was very clearly upset and was mumbling.

From what the King could make out it sounded like, "I'm just a poor servant with a lousy pay because the king is a prat." Arthur raised his eyebrows as Merlin placed the plate down on the table. Merlin glanced at the King expectantly. The blond sighed.

"Stop complaining, Merlin," Arthur said, shaking his head. Merlin grumbled.

"Easy for you to say," he replied hotly, grumbling. Arthur chuckled, taking a bite of his food.

"Merlin, why don't you just take some of my money if you want something? Not like you'd give me notice anyway," Arthur joked. Merlin shook his head in an awkward fashion.

"I'm not taking your money sire," Merlin responded quickly. Arthur raised his eyebrow, and glanced at his food.

"You had no qualms before, _Mer_lin," the King quipped smoothly. Merlin's blue eyes widened significantly. "When you took my _gold_." The young warlock sputtered wildly.

"I _thought _you said you _didn't remember that?!"_ he cried out, to Arthur's amusement.

"So it's true!"

Merlin paled. "Uh- I mean, no, I never took your gold!" The servant gave a weak smile to try and placate his King. It wasn't working so well. "And if I _ever_ did it would be to keep it _safe_ of course!" Arthur nodded condescendingly.

"Oooooh, sure _Me_rlin. Sure."

"I only have your best interests at heart sire, I swear!"

"How many times you complain about money-!"

Merlin grumbled. "I didn't use it when I took it if you think that's what I did." Arthur hummed contemplatively.

"Didn't you? How did Tristan and Isolde trust us, _hm?_" the King of Camelot asked pointedly, giving a far-too-amused-smirk. Merlin blanked.

"Oh," he said simply. "Oh I forgot about that." He shook his head and stayed with his point. "Well I didn't use it to buy myself anything at least!" Arthur shook his head.

"Hhhmmm." Merlin flailed in both his speech and his movements. The King lost all interest in his lunch and focused his attentions solely on the turn of this discussion, grinning cheekily.

"Arthur, please understand, you were unconscious and I- I didn't know how to get you to safety," Merlin said, exasperated, running his hand through his hair, not even noticing the overly amused expression on Arthur's face. "C'mon you know you would have taken my money for a similar reason in a heartbeat if it was- say- Gwen you had to get to safety! Don't even try to deny it!"

"Ah, but I wouldn't _need_ to take your money that's the thing," Arthur explained, enjoying this way too much. Merlin pouted.

"Yeah, well, whose fault is it that I don't have enough money to get bandits to trust us? Hmm?" Arthur frowned in mock defeat.

"Ah I see, the circular argument method," he said, sounding defeated.

"Yeah- yeah now you see!" Merlin smirked in victory.

Arthur grinned and gave a little shrug. "Well, either way you're a servant!" Merlin's smirk faded.

"Wait no- don't you play the _'just a servant'_ card!" Merlin scoffed indignantly. Arthur chuckled.

"Not like you're supposed to be paid well." The young warlock put his hands on his hips, becoming extremely irritated.

"I may be a servant but I'm not a _slave_- I still need stuff like food and clothes and wood, Arthur. All those things require _money_," the manservant explained heatedly, much to the enjoyment of the blond. "And I am the servant of _THE KING!_"

"And that's a _great_ honor," Arthur smirked, raising a golden eyebrow at the raven-haired warlock. Merlin spluttered.

"Ok- can I trade honor for food though is the true question," he said quickly with grumbles laced in his voice. "I mean, I bet your father even paid his servants more than you pay me, and he had more than one person doing half the jobs you have me do!" Arthur raised his eyebrows and scrunched up his face.

"Well, Father didn't really treat his servants well, maybe only paid them more," Arthur considered, tilting his head in thought, and then regarding Merlin. "Is that what you want _Mer_lin? Because if that's what you want-"

"Wha- no c'mon that's blowing things way out of proportion-!"

"-who am I to be in the way?" Arthur finished with a leering smile. Merlin made an odd noise of retort from the back of his throat.

"Arthur- wow- the lengths you'll go to get out of paying me more," Merlin remarked almost disbelievingly, huffing. "Fine. Keep your gold you prat." Arthur nodded.

"I will you idiot."

Merlin grumbled, and Arthur smirked at his witty victory. His servant glared at him.

"Why are you smirking like you've won something?" Merlin scoffed, before suddenly getting a wicked idea, a thoughtful impish smile appearing on his face. "Y'know, I have half a mind to tell Gwen about this conversation!" The young warlock smirked right back at Arthur, who paled at the sudden turn of events. "I'm sure she'll teach you _all_ about servant pay!" The King scrambled to his feet.

"You BetteR NOT!" he half-screeched at his dark-haired manservant, pointing his finger accusingly. Merlin ignored this, quickly attaining a somewhat cheery attitude, knowing that he had Arthur trapped.

"_Morgana_ even paid off Gwen's home for her when her father died-!" The mighty King of Camelot spluttered unintelligibly. "Buuuut I guess that's ok. Y'know I think I'll go find Gwen now," Merlin said with a bright grin at Arthur, whose face held unreadable emotions. "I haven't reeeaaaaallly chatted with her in a while!"

It took a few seconds but Arthur reached out his arm and let out a somewhat strangled cry. "NnnnooooOOO!" Merlin grinned. "NO you won't! You will stay here," Arthur ordered, pointing where Merlin stood. "In that spot!"

"No I think I'd rather not-"

"It's an order!"

"Oh look- laundry of yours!" Merlin spotted Arthur's laundry basket with a wicked grin, grabbing it up. "I'll just- take this down to be cleaned-!"

"YOU can leave that there-!"

"And leave the room-!"

"Not like you do it anyway!" Arthur retorted quickly, glaring daggers at Merlin who touched his heart and flinched back as if offended.

"Nonononooo sire you've given me this as a job to do and I must do it promptly," Merlin replied feigning seriousness in his voice, and turning to go. Arthur balled up his fists and clenched his teeth, really regretting what was to happen. He growled gruffly and loudly.

"FINE!" he practically shouted, shutting his eyes and shaking his head, not caring to see his servant snickering. "FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE!" The young warlock smiled cheekily. Arthur opened his eyes, looking narrowly and fiercely at his servant. "You daft conniving little- FINe-!"

Merlin flashed his trademark complete dork grin that he'd been using since his first day in Camelot, the one he used every time he got that self-satisfied look on his face. He mocked bowing slightly to Arthur. "Yes, sire?"

Arthur growled again, pinching the bridge of his nose, not looking directly at Merlin (_or else it would kill him)._ "You…can have a raise." The servant practically whooped for joy.

"YES- I mean- thank you very much Arthur," Merlin replied, still grinning. He tilted his head thoughtfully. "Y'know this is my first raise since I've started working for you. I think many people around the castle will agree that it's been long overdue."

Arthur sharply turned his head and gave Merlin a look of pure annoyance and fury that Merlin knew only too well. The warlock tensed up and nodded quickly.

"OK This lAUNDRY!" he nearly shouted, heading for the door and leaving, though still grinning.

Arthur Pendragon suppressed every urge to yell through the castle…because Guinevere had just walked in the door. She smiled genially and walked over to him.

"Something the matter, Arthur?" she asked, brown eyes blinking up at his blue. He gave her a strained smile, clenching his fists as tightly as he possibly could.

"N-Nothing at all…Guinevere. I'm fine."


	3. Enough

_**Not gonna say too much- just that this chapter has a different pace than the previous two so far-! And thank you all for the reviews and favorites! I'm really happy people are liking these little thingsss! :D**_

_**Oh yeah and it kinda has a context- Arthur and Merlin are currently on the road to a fair being held in a faraway kingdom XD (because Spiritus Rex and I will be going to the Renaissance Festival and those will also be documented!) Again kinda Series 4/5-ishhhh since no mention is made of anything too specific besides Arthur being King. **_

_**There is an episode spoiler- Season 2 "Sins of the Father" so, if you haven't seen it yet, be warned, there are actual episode plot spoilers here. **_

_**...and just...be prepared. *slinks away to finish Series 5***_

_**I do not own Merlin nope if I did, the poor thing woulda not been cancelled!**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>A Pair of Royal Dorks<strong>_

_**Chapter Three: Enough**_

"It's alright sire, don't worry!" Merlin said for about the hundredth time as he began to set up camp, causing Arthur to groan very loudly. "Everything's gonna be fine!"

"_Mer_lin, you telling me _not_ to worry makes me worry more," he complained. The young warlock gave a little chuckle.

"Well that's silly. Then I'll tell you not to worry again and you'll worry more and then we'll be in a vicious cycle of you worrying!" Merlin said with a twinkle in his eye. "Stop worrying, Arthur." The King gave a loud sigh.

"Your reassurance does not mean anything." Merlin huffed and crossed his arms.

"Well _thanks_ for letting me know!" he grumbled. "I'll make sure to not reassure you on anything in the future."

"It's because when you say 'don't worry' something goes wrong," Arthur explained quickly, unpacking the bags on his horse. Merlin spluttered.

"What, not all the time!" he protested. "When I say 'don't worry' it's usually once things have already gone wrong. I'm just keeping you from losing your kingly head." The servant looked smug and pleased with his explanation. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"When do I ever lose my head?" he asked drily. Merlin shrugged.

"When you get angry usually," the warlock replied simply.

"_Mer_lin!"

"Well you do!"

Arthur scoffed. "If I get angry, it's for _good_ reason!" Merlin put the supplies down, glancing at the King seriously.

"Yes, but you can't let it cloud your judgment when you do," he spoke lowly. The blond pouted.

"Like when?"

"So I tell you not to worry- ah, err what?" Merlin stumbled, Arthur having interrupted him. "You want a specific example of you getting angry and doing something foolish?" Two blue orbs narrowed in response.

"_Yes_, _Mer_lin," Arthur replied with dangerous smoothness. Merlin hummed contemplatively and nervously, absentmindedly rummaging through the things at his knees.

"Well," he began. "There was that time where you very nearly killed your father. That was a big one." Arthur took in a sharp breath, as if he'd been stabbed. For once he wished that Merlin would have forgotten that- or that _he _himself just wouldn't have said anything to provoke that memory.

"That- doesn't- it- no, that can't count," Arthur fumbled, looking away from his servant. Merlin tilted his head just the slightest bit, furrowing his dark eyebrows.

"What? Why can't it count?"

The King clenched his teeth. "I was manipulated by Morgause!" he muttered, still very aware of the events that haunted him.

"You got angry and didn't check the facts, so you ran off and tried to take Uther's head off," Merlin shrugged. "I don't see how it doesn't count." A wave of frustration and agony filled the King as he balled up his fists and tensed up.

"How _could_ I check the facts, _Mer_lin? Leave it fester till we got back and calmly ask Father if he knew Mother was going to die?" Arthur spat, whirling on his servant. He shot a paralyzing glare that Merlin caught, and the servant gulped.

"Well…yes? I mean- wouldn't it be better to have heard it from him, than blindly trust in Morgause's words?" Merlin offered, now having caught up to his King's line of thought. Arthur glanced at the pile of firewood that the two had previously gathered.

"You can't tell me you wouldn't have done the same," Arthur whispered mournfully.

"You're lucky I was there to stop you," Merlin chuckled nervously, avoiding Arthur's challenging statement. There was a tense moment of silence, and the blond young man looked away, heart aching terribly.

"Never mind then, Merlin," Arthur remarked tonelessly. "You've made your point." The young warlock sighed and slowly stood from his crouched position.

"Arthur…it wasn't your fault," he tried to console, feeling guilty for bringing up such a painful moment. The King of Camelot said nothing at first, securing both of their horses to a nearby tree.

"…forget it, Merlin," Arthur sighed crossly. Merlin clenched his jaw and moved a bit closer, holding his hand out.

"Arthur-"

"MERLIN," he hissed, holding out his own hand defensively. "_Enough_."

A thick tension permeated through the air and stiffly Arthur plopped himself on the leafy ground, grabbing his bag and extra clothes and rolled on his side to attempt to persuade Merlin he was going to sleep. The young warlock was at a loss for words and said nothing else for a while. Internally he was fumbling and trying to find a way to pull Arthur out of the self-deteriorating whirlpool he was no doubt drowning in at the moment. Still facing away from the King, Merlin sighed.

"I would do the same, you know," he whispered just loud enough for Arthur to hear, or so he hoped. "If I found out someone had killed my- and then lied to me. I would. So I understand-" Merlin gave a cursory glance to the blond, who was apparently unmoved. "I mean…you asked if I would do the same. So just- letting you know."

Another moment of silence passed, except for a slight rustling, caused by Arthur's slow nodding to stir the leaves beneath his head. The King heard his servant, though he would not let him see the maelstrom of emotions left swirling inside of him.


End file.
